dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
