I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
