I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
