Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
