i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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