He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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