How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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