If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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