I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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