I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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