We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
