You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
