Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
