The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
