why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You have to summon your inner elephant
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
