i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
