Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
