I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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