So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
