My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Someone signed my nipple.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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