If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
zippers are such a cool invention
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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