apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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