One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
