So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
