Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
