I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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