he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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