my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
