I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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