maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
