Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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