but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize