Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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