I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
