I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
