He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
