you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
