dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize