Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
