dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
