dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
