Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
