Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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