Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
