Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Are we still banned from the library?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
