don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
