I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and she was petting her beer can
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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