I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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