Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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