We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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