her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's great music for shaving your balls
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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