They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
