I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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