please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
