When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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