did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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