What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
