And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
