i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
