Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
