I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
