I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
