I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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