Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
