wakey wakey hands off snakey
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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