I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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