The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
