dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
