He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
