you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
