i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
