So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
