Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
