yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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