is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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