Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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