I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
