did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
