There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
