I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
